spiraling love

aloha
i have been in my cocoon in the gentle and itchy jungle of hawaii
where i turned to liquid
just like a caterpillar does
in the soup of my dreams, my naps, my hibernation
i learnt a thing or two about myself
the beliefs i carry around with me
in my mind and in my body
these beliefs
turn into patterns, habits, addictions, rashes, mood swings
road blocks
in my last week at kalani
i was in huna healing class
with stewart blackburn
the theme of the class was
changing change
he had us break into small groups of four or five people
we were to pick a divination tool to use
either a deck of tarot cards or a set of shaman stones
the group i was in choose to use shaman stones
seven glass stones all a different colour
you throw the stones
each colour has two meanings
the white stone is the home stone or the question
the other stones relate to the home/question stone depending on their proximity to it

we were a happy group
four giggly and eager diviners
ready to read each others fortunes
i was a little nervous
how will i know what to say?
we each took a turn throwing the stones and then deciphering the messages for each other
the best part was that stewart had given us the authority to change the layout
move the stones or pick another card
if we didn't like the answer we got
change it
change the divination
change change
this was liberating, exciting, and profound
we are major players in the game
in this game of life
we can call the shots
we create the world we live in

something very profound that i received from my fellow diviners
is the knowledge that my power, my charisma, my strength
is my vulnerability
to say i don't know something is refreshing
and gives me the opportunity to learn and to open wider
for so much of my life i have been scared to ask questions
for fear of looking stupid
i have believed that i was suppose to know everything
how on earth can you know everything
and why would you want to know everything
it is so awesome to learn
to ask questions
to show your vulnerability
i feel freer now
free to say i don't know how to do that
i am just beginning
i am new to this